Wednesday, August 18, 2010

1st Official Day of School

PE days are Tuesday & Thursday...this is the gym uniform.
So today was the first official day of school. Sarah started Kindergarten and Rebecca started 1st grade. I actually made myself come back and edit this last sentence...just to put Sarah first. I catch myself putting Rebecca first too much when I mention that because of their birth order?

I did okay today. I got misty when we were in the gym listening to Mrs Kauffmann (the Principal) say the morning prayer. I was thinking about my little girl not being so little anymore. I didn't get a full on cry though. I think part of that has to do with the fact that she was in preschool last she had already taken a fairly big leap with that.

Hearing about Sarah's first day at school had some bittersweet feelings for me though. She said she did good...had a good day. But...with further questions about what all she some info about her experience with recess today.

I'm not quite sure exactly what order things happened...or even really what did happen...or didn't happen for that matter. Basically, she said that none of the girls in her class played with her at recess. She said that she just sat there. It took every bit I had to not cry right there in front of her. Especially when Rebecca admitted that she saw her sister not playing at recess and didn't ask Sarah to play with her and her friends. I think that's what bothered me the most...that her sister didn't go get her. She just left her sitting there...feeling left out.

Later on Sarah said that the other girls were just walking around and she didn't want to...makes more sense...she wanted to play and they didn't...not that they didn't want to play with her. Of course, it still bothers me that her sister wouldn't.

Part of me thinks that Rebecca should have done something...especially since she saw it...and I got the impression that Sarah knew she saw her...and still didn't do anything. I know that I need to talk more about this with Rebecca. I don't think she realized the effect that it had on Sarah...

When I was younger, I wasn't in the "in" crowd...sometimes feel like I had issues making friends. I never really knew for sure how many of my friends were my friends...or friends with me because of my brother. I know now...because they are the friends that I either kept after school...or have since found again since getting on Facebook! (If any of you read this...I'm sure you know who you are.)

Sarah now not only has to deal with not being the oldest but no longer being the youngest either...which may even be worse than being the younger sibling. I don't know as I never was in that position...I just know how it felt to be the younger one and not able to do things as well as the older. Or at least having the perception that I couldn't do things as well.

Sarah decided that she didn't want to play soccer this year (on a team without Rebecca) because she didn't think she would be able to play as well...something I am all too familiar with. We gave in to this...and told the team that she wasn't going to play. I pushed on the dance class though...because I don't want Sarah to limit her activities because of her self perceptions.

I did that kind of crap to myself...and missed a lot of experiences. Something that I truly regret. Could I have gotten really good at playing the piano? Who knows...I gave up. Could I have been good at sports? Don't know...I never tried. I do know that one of these days I'm going to get piano lesson books and try to teach both Sarah and Rebecca (had to edit least I stopped after the first letter) how to play. Maybe if I teach them enough they can take lessons from a real teacher some day.

Of course, I have found things as an adult that I can say I have a leg up of them I found out in the past couple years...and damn near did a happy dance because I found out there was something that I knew how to do that he didn't! (Sorry...but I have to admit that as petty as it may be.)

I just want to save that little girl from the heartache of feeling like she doesn't
measure up. I felt that way...and it sucked big time. did this get to being about me?

So anyway...the girls had a good day at school...and were sufficiently tired by the time they got home...and then were told that they had to go to dance class. It's the last class before the recital next week.

They have a couple weeks off before the next class session starts...and that one will be even better for Sarah...the teacher is breaking the class in to two groups by age...which will separate them.

I am really looking forward to watching Sarah grow hard as it is to watch her grow up. I can't wait to see the sense of accomplishment I will see in her as she shows me what she can do. I just have to make sure she has the opportunity to shine. I have to remove the shadow of the older sibling...because things that sit in shadows don't ever really have that opportunity.

I guess that's all for tonight.

1 comment:

brake_amy said...

Sarah is lucky to have you as a mother who can help her grow and not be overshadowed by her sister.
Our boys are 17 months apart and we have this problem sometimes.
The recess story broke my heart. Praying Sarah has a friend to play with at recess.
Being a mother is hard, we never stop worrying.